"Bye Stinky! Bye"
Most mornings when I come to work I see this one female member of our janitorial staff wiping down the windows. She is a nice overweight Hispanic girl, about my age, who says "Good Morning" to me every darn time she sees me.About two weeks ago I came to the office late in the evening to shut down my computer since I'd been out most of the day. I took the elevator to the second floor, where our suite is, and zipped in to the ladies room. (We have a "public restroom" that our company would normally share with the other office suites on this floor but we were the only business office on the 2nd floor at this time.) When you walk in to our bathroom you are facing the handicapped stall. And the crack in that stall (you know the one that is always between the door, and the door frame) is just wide enough that you can pretty much see the person sitting on the pot, and they can see you. Well I walked in and COULD SEE, and smell, that my nice janitorial lady was taking a MAJOR dump-a-roonie in that stall. MAJOR--believe me! I was embarrassed for her because I knew she could see me AND I knew she was in there because the 2nd floor is normally like a ghost town at 6pm. A pooping safe haven if you will.
My Plan: I held my breath and crept in to the farthest stall I could. Then I tried to pee as quickly as I could so that I could get out, wash my hands, and go to my office before she came out of her stall. I knew she was mortified that I'd caught her poopin-it-up the bathroom and that she was totally going to wait for me to leave before she came out.
Before I could finish peeing, her janitor friend pops her head in from the hallway and says, really loud and giggly, "Bye STINKY! I've got to go hoooome now. Bye Stinky.....Stinky?" Stinky stayed perfectly still. I know Stinky was wishing she could either teleport out of there or she could somehow warn her friend. "Shut the hell up, dude. That chick from suite 200 is in here!" She didn't. She just froze. So I stood up quickly, boots clomping on the tiles, and as soon as Stinky's friend heard me she slammed the bathroom door closed and ran.
I just had to get out of there! I wiped, zipped, washed my hands, and went directly to my desk. I could feel Stinky's embarrassment radiating through the walls, and for days after that I didn't see her. Then one morning I left my office to get something from the grocery store and when I stepped off the elevator I saw her. She was smiling to her self and washing the windows. When she looked up and discovered me walking in her direction she froze, frowned, and looked down at her feet. BUSTED! "Good morning!" I said.....forcing my lips NOT to curl upward..... and just kept on walking. I hope my friendly greeting gave Stinky what she needs to put this incident past her. I miss her hellos but I bet she'll think twice before poopin-it-up in my bathroom again!
posted by Jessiedc28 @ 5:39 PM
15 Comments:
I would say the most important purpose of toilets is the flushing mechanism. Especially because I'd not want to be having to run out and find a tree in this great city to poop next to. I have MAJOR poop anxiety anyway -- so I can't poop at work anyway. I can't really poop anywhere but in my home or at my parents home - on a different floor then they are on.
STOP IT!!! I spit water all over my computer! Thanks alot!
That was seriously pretty funny, Jessie. I feel so bad for Stinky though. You shouldn't make her feel ashamed for poopin... that's just mean. Poor Woman.
In Japan, I heard the bathroom stalls make noises like runnin water and birds so you cant hear all the farting and spalshing going on.
Cory, I thought I was being pretty sensitive and all -- trying to hurry, being friendly when I finally saw her again. :0) I feel terribly..but that doesn't change the fact that it's HILARIOUS that she got busted!!! I have poop sensitivity. I do.
Maybe when I get married I'll have birds sounds in there so I can poop in the under the same roof as my loved one.
I put the eye back up.
You know, I worked in a place once where the women would stuff toilet paper in the little stall crack. It was pretty funny. The stupid janitor would take it all down. The next morning, the toilet paper stuffing resumed. LOL
Personally, I hate it when people say good morning to me. I always have a desire to smack them. How the hell do they know if it's good or not? Then, again, I may have issues.
Sometimes she says hi and sometimes she says Good Morning. I just like to smile at people that work for our building because I think they work hard and people usually over look janiorial staff. It helps me to be friendly like that for 2 seconds sometimes, even on the worst days. Days that I can't look people in the eye, or hold a conversation, are still days I can say Hi to someone washing my windows. Ya know?
Oh, I know what you mean. I'm just not much of a morning person.
Our janitor seems to be a good guy. He and I joke around all the time. He doesn't speak much English, so it's more like an elaborate mime game. Of course, since he doesn't speak much English, he never says "good morning" to me. Maybe that's why I like him so much.
Good God! The women at my job do the same thing! Hang the toilet paper in the crack. They kept doing it so much that the janitor finally put up duct tape!!! BTW, doesn't everyone know about the courtesy flush.
BTW, BTW, how funny is it that a blog about poop gets so much attention!?
Maybe you girls are all anal expulsives.
I was just wondering why this story reminded you of me? i don't poop. and if i did, it wouldn't stink. just kidding. just explian why! why?
Hi there, I came across your blog from Jeanette's site. I noticed that you are from Virginia too. I live in the Stafford/Fredericksburg area and commute to McLean every day.
Great story on poopin. I have to say that I am not one to poop at work, but if I get the wave then I will have to go. If there is someone in there, I will courtesy flush several times, lol and wait until they leave.
Since I don't have a blogger account, I will just sign it instead.
~HarleyQuinn
www.tomkinson.org/HarleyQuinn
Cory - I love that definition you left. Very handy. I don't hink I'm an anal expulsive personality type. But at least now, thanks to you, I'm sure.
Barbie - I don't know why this story reminded me of you. Probably because it's vile and gross just like many of your stories. :0) And you don't have to tell me....I know your poop smells like daisies. You're just that type. It's written all over your face.
Harley - Bummer about the commute! I live in Western Alexandria and work in old town Alexandria so I drive about 25 minutes to work. I'd surely go to the potty at work if I was having some sort of attack - but otherwise I'd just take my 25 minute drive home. Understandable that you're an occasional work pooper though -- you have a much more intense commute. Glad you checked out my blog!
Finally i get to comment. I too had and still somewhat have poop anxiety. I do poop at work because its when my body decies it needs too. I used to be hugely PPP (Public Poop Phobic) but having IBS (Irritable bowel syndrome) and SOED (Sudden Onset of Explosive Diahreah) tends to cure you of any phobias or anxieties you have of going poo in public. I was extremely nervous about having to go poo with my honey in the house, but soon felt so comfortable, that it didn't matter, plus he knew about my IBS, PPP, and SOED that it didn't matter, but It still bothers me when he comes into the bathroom for something and I am "on a mission". Jess, do you remember the teacher in germany who used to say she was "going on a mission" everytime she had to use the bathroom?
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