So Check this out....
For Eric's birthday I scratched on the dress and decided to go with some half naked ensemble that I purchased from some guy name Frederick. I figure a predinner romp only makes the food taste better, right? Besides -- then we can come home snockered after we meet up with friends at the bar and I don't have to look like a totally turkey trying to put this retarded garter belt on whilst shitfaced. Let me tell ya -- it took me 20 minutes sober to get the fucker on -- I can't imagine what'd I'd accomplish soggy.So I get my hair did, go to a friends house to fiddle with the cotton picken garter thing, struggle with my self esteem, and then head home. I come home, dressed to the 9's in not much, and seduce my 31 year old man until he weeps. (Ok he didn't weep...but he was close.....) I had it all disguised under my coat -- pretty sweet, eh? Happy birthday to me!
So the reason for this post is not to brag about the fact that even with a jello ass I still can perk it up a bit. Nor to tell ya that wearing a winter coat on top of this ridiculous get-up -- I still froze my ass off. No. It was to tell you that I've lost my mind.
Skip back two paragraphs.
And Marissa your really the only one I'm writing this for because I know you can relate....
So I go to Deannie's to dress up for my sexcapade and need some scissors to cut something to put in Eric's birthday card. Then I go to the back of the house to begin my preparations. I ask Deannie to bring me back the scissors because I need to cut off the tags on my outfit. Deannie takes forever and I wonder, silently, "where the fuck is she?". She tells me she can't find the scissors. They've disappeared. I tell her I put them back where I found them earlier. She probably called me a liar under her breath and went back in to the living room. I finish getting ready. As I begin to walk out of the house she says, "You put the scissors in the refrigerator!" and then laughs. Confused, and sure that she was joking, I asked her if she'd read my blog today. She said no. Convincingly. And when I told her about the cell phone incident she looked at me like I was insane! Clearly I am. I wonder what I'll find in the fridge tomorrow....
posted by Jessiedc28 @ 4:11 PM
2 Comments:
Jessie, you are too cute! I hope everything worked out, despite some of the difficulty in the preparation!
Sounds like you had an awesome time. And I must confess that, once again, we may be on the same wavelength as I, too, have purchased a similar get-up but haven't had the nerve to throw it on yet.
I can't even begin to imagine what must be drawing you to put things in the fridge. Have you lost anything else lately? Maybe your subconcius is trying to tell you it's in the fridge! Either way, hilarious! What will be next? :)
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