Huh.....

Afraid to poop?

I will just start this post by reminding the readers that I am not a public pooper. I know there is a strong-willed group of poopers out there who have no problem hunkering down on the pot at work with a newspaper or P&L report. I, however, am not one of ya'll. I am just barely a private pooper – so being a good public pooper is just out_of_the_question. I will admit, for the sake of my health, I am trying to over come my public pooping phobia. Slowly but surely I am coming to terms with the fact that, “when you gotta go - you've just gotta go”. I admit I do sometimes resort to chanting during those "gotta go" moments, saying, “Everyone does it. Everyone does it." to myself, in hopes of slowing my terrified heart from beating so loud that the person in the next stall could hear it. (I don't want the person in the next stall to hear ANYTHING if I've "gotta go", not even my heart.) Living with someone now I’m running in to this phobia even at home. I know…I know.....I’m ridiculous... but I will say that I’ve over come a lot of silly fears in my life time - and soon enough - I will over come this one as well.

Moving on……

I happened upon the most ingenious pooping contract in a book I recently read. The book was, Notes From The Underbelly by Risa Green, and the chapter talks about the main character and her husband's pooping policy. They both, in the beginning of their relationship, were to shy to poop while they were in the same house together so they drew up this contract. I bloody love it! I think this should be a real legal and binding document for us shy poopers to take advantage of whilst in a deep and meaningful relationship:

“WHEREAS Andrew Stone and Lara Levitt (hereafter collectively referred to as “the Couple”) hereby both acknowledge that they are equally uptight with regard to all things involving poop and pooping; and

WHEREAS the Couple desires to enter into this contract for the sole purpose of setting forth procedures in the event that a member of the Couple must take a poop (hereafter referred to as a “Poop Event”);

THEREFORE, the Couple hereby agree to the provisions set forth below:

(1) Immediately upon the request of the pooping party, the non pooping party must retreat to a location that is not within earshot of the bathroom in question (such location having been approved by the pooping party prior to the Poop Event); and

(2) The pooping party shall not be required to actually state to the nonpooping party that a Poop Event is about to occur. Simply instructing the nonpooping party to leave the immediate vicinity shall serve as notice that a Poop Event is imminent; and

(3) Once the Poop Event has concluded, the nonpooping party shall not enter the bathroom in which the Poop Event has occurred, unless and until the nonpooping party has been given clearance by the pooping party. Should the pooping party tell the nonpooping part that (s)he may enter the bathroom “never”, then the nonpooping party must forgo all rights to said bathroom until the earlier of:

(a) the following morning, or;

(b) the time at which clearance is given, pursuant to this section (3)

By signing below, the members of the Couple do hereby agree to be bound by all of the terms and conditions set forth herein, pursuant to the laws of the State of California.

Lara Levitt
Lara Levitt, Couple member

Andrew Stone
Andrew Stone, Couple member ”

posted by Jessiedc28 @ 9:29 PM