Not so Special...
I came home tonight thinking I was all kinds of special because I had 9 comments on my blog! Then I realized I'm just the dork in the corner who just got force fed a bunch of SPAM! I hate spam....although it sounds like a food right now...and I'm dreaming of it being a low fat carb free size 6 type of food.....nevermind. I must get rid of it!
Ode To Spam
I don't want your free laptop
I don't want your financing help
I don't want your wedding candles
I don't want your other wedding shit either
Stop saying my blog is "neat" it's not, it's fucking rad!
I don't want your pretend friendship either, Spam.
I mean it.
My e-feelings are hurt.
Welcome to word verification.jlkjsd,
Jessica
Hair
A friend of mine signed up for a membership on
www.TheHairStyler.com so that she could try out different hair styles. Due to unforseeable technical complications she had to give me her user name and pass word to view the pictures of her and her new hair possiblities. So I did and it was just too tempting to NOT upload my own picture and run some hair cut options.
Now keep in mind this is my face without make up on so I'm not looking my best right now. Also -- I decided to pick a few short dos. I've never had a short haircut -- and I think you'll see why in a minute. In any case I will be showing you 6 pictures -- all of different style, length, and color. Enjoy!
This first picture is of me with short, blonde hair. It's a little spunky but I don't think it suits me.
This is one of me with Red Hair. It's not really that far from what Lizzy looked like when I first met her.
Now here is a whole new look that I just thought I'd try. Something a little fancy -- expirimenting with color a tad....let me know what you think.
I don't think I look so bad in purple actually....
Oh get ready to laugh your ass off folks. This was rated my #1 favorite Medium length hair do. I took the time to switch the color back to brown to give it my all.
Last and least I went out to find a picture that looked somewhat like my current hair style. I don't typically go all out with the hair drying, and froofing, unless I have make up on -- so this still isn't my best look -- but you can at least see why it's important for me to have long hair. Right?
Fat Ass
Yesterday I went in for a walk-in appointment because I had a sneaking suspicion that I have a UTI (urinary tract infection). I get these a lot. I've probably posted about one or two of them before. It's to the point now where the doctors are asking me what the hell is wrong with me!
Yesterday I got in to see Dr. P with only having to wait 2 hours. Good thing I had a few chapters in my History book to catch up on, eh? The nurse brings me in to do all the inital stuff: weight, blood pressure, symptem details. I weighted in at 166. Really, that's not SO BAD for me. I've been 172+ and as small as 158 since I turned 20. So 166 is about in the middle. I'm still in my clothes and all that. I'm 5'8", I have a great man that loves me this way, I'm fairly confident -- _I'm not comfortable in a bathing suit on a beach but I can look nice from time to time.) and so I guess I don't really think too much about it. Until yesterday--
Dr. P: "What's going on with your body, Jessica?"
Me: "I don't know. I really felt like these were becoming a lot less frequent."
Dr. P: "Huh...well that's good......"
Silence
Dr. P: "Jessica, lets talk about your weight..."
He writes down 166 and circles it with his pen on my chart. In my head I'm thinking --
this will be interesting...
Dr. P: "How tall are you?"
Me: "Uh...5 foot 8"
Dr. P: "So that's (calculating going on in his head) ...Jess you need to take off 20 lbs. Come down to 145 and see me next month for a weigh in.
Me: "ONE FORTY FIVE! DR P, I HAVEN'T WEIGHED 145 SINCE I WAS IN JUNIOR HIGH!"
Dr. P: "Well....you have so much potential. The reason you're riddled with UTIs is because you have too much sugar in your diet. Your 20 lbs over weight and you can cut all that sugar out. Sugar perpetuates the bacteria in your bladder causing you to have these infections. You need to cut out carbs, stop drinking large quantities of wine, stop eating things with sugar in them, salt, and see me in a month"
Me: "I didn't think my weight was THAT bad."
Dr. P: "That's because your over confident. You'd be lookin good if you lost 20 lbs. And you need to exercise too. Walk - quickly - for upwards of an hour. And don't drink wine so much. Water. Water is the best drink."
Jess: "I guess I would be kinda hot. And I don't want to get pregnant in 5 years and get even fatter....."
Dr. P: "Hold Mr. Atkins teachings to your heart. If you can't accomplish this alone, and you come back in a month unchanged, I'll give you appetite surpresents to help you if you'd like."
Jess: "o....k....."
Dr. P is not a pervert. He's not young. He's very smart. He's very opinionated and out spoken. But having seen almost every doctor in that office he's my favorite. He's not anti-anti-depresant like Dr. D was who ended up causing me to have a kidney infection. And he's not half asleep like Dr. K. He's proactive and motivating in his old age. I'd say he's 60's, lean, and a runner. Healthy. A little too much hair coming out of the ears for me but I'm not sleeping with him so that's fine.
Basically I'm excited about my new challege I just hope that it doesn't drive me insane with my new school challenge.
Driving down the road and seeing a green Del Sol brought this little tid bit about my life to mind. Throughout my life I’ve SWORN to myself on several occasions that I was going to buy things and do certain things when I grew up.
I was going to be a vet. I was going to eat chips everyday, even before dinner. I wasn’t going to have sex until I was married. I was never going to drink and drive. I was going to marry Mark, my first boyfriend. I was going to move back to Colorado even if I had to live in a cardboard box. I was going to run away from home, never to return again. I was going to marry Chris, my next serious boyfriend. I was going to finish college. I was going to marry Mario. I was going to change Mario. I was “just friends with Eric” and it was going to stay that way. I was going to pay my parents back for the car they bought me in 1995. I was going to own and proudly drive a green Del Sol.
Clearly all that is just a load of bullshit and I realize that now. I’ve been forced to realize that the promises you make to your self about your life just don’t always come true. For example: I’m not a veterinarian for several reasons. The first being that I realized in the 8th grade, in my Life Science class, that I really don’t like Science. I got a D in that class. Secondly I did NOT finish college - not even close. And last but not least I don’t really like
all animals. In fact I really hate some of them. Yes, thank GOD I’m not a vet.
1. I wasn’t going to have sex until I was married. (Surrendered prom night with #3)
2. I was going to eat chips everyday, even before dinner. (I was 6 when I said this to my mother and therefore had no concept of the fully developed female ass.)
3. I was never going to drink and drive. (Arrested for DUI, Open container in the car, & underage drinking on July 17th, 1998.)
4. I was going to marry Mark, my first boyfriend. (He married a Catholic College Cheerleader & virgin)
5. I was going to move back to Colorado even if I had to live in a cardboard box. (I met #6 and decided to stay in Cali.)
6. I was going to run away from home, never to return again. (I did run away but I also returned.)
7. I was going to marry Chris, my next serious boyfriend. (He is now a crack head.)
8. I was going to finish college. (…I’m still working on this one.)
9. I was going to marry Mario. (…cheater cheater pumpkin eater)
10. I was going to change Mario. (People don’t change)
11. I was “just friends with Eric” and it was going to stay that way. (I was in love denialn.)
12. I was going to pay my parents back for the car they bought me in 1995. (….but then I didn’t.)
13. I was going to own and proudly drive a green Del Sol NO MATTER WHAT! (That is one ugly ass car!)
14. I was going to be a Christian. (I couldn’t pull this one off. I tried but I’m not the type.)
So it’s quite clear that lessons have been learned in my life through these broken promises. But that only makes me think of all the conceptions I have now of my life years from now – and how wrong it might be…..SCARY! I just have this sneaking suspicion that I’m not going to get that convertible I promised myself.
Friggidy Friday
Ya! Today is Friday! Which brings on a whole other meaning when you're in school and you have to study for hours over the weekend, preferably not too hung over so you actually absorb some of the studying! It'll be fine. I'll live. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it.
Tomorrow my renter is moving out so I have to wipe down the condo. She's THE CLEANEST tenant I've ever seen! I'm sad to see her go honestly. I wish she could rent my condo for ever. I am showing the condo to two other people this weekend. I haven't gotten too many hits on my add this go round but I'm faithful that I'll find someone. This is a booming area and people come and go a lot.
TONIGHT is a night I've been waiting for for a long long time. This night is going to involve me and my top two favorite men on the planet. (Eric is excluded in this calculation because he's like oxygen to me.) TONIGHT I am watching the 2nd season of 21 Jump Street with a glass of wine while snuggling on the couch with THIS BOY:
Can you stand it? I'm going to be kissin, huggin, and snuggling with my little Brodie for hours and hours -- ALONE! Eric's got band practice and Holly & Curt are going on a date. I couldn't be happier. Johnny Depp AND my little angel? Life DOES NOT get better for me!
School Nite
Tonight I had my 3 hour history class. US History to be exact. My teacher is a fat, perky man with interesting facial expressions. From what I can tell he gets off on memorizing peoples names and telling bad jokes. He went to school for 27 years. He has two masters degrees -- and a double PHD in History and Higher Education Administration.
Here are the two things I learned tonight:
1. What do you call an Irishman that hangs out in your backyard?
Answer at the end of the post2. Renaissance means "rebirth"
Yes, this is all fact.
Mr. Smith, that's his name, used the ethnically descriptive term "Chinese" several times during class. And while doing this he reached up, pulled his eye lids from the center of his face outward toward his ears,to mimic an Asian looking face.
Oh_My_God.
THEN he said, during a conversation with another student during break regarding this kids last tour of Duty at Ft. Dick, "Can you believe they're trying to change the name to Ft. Genitalia!?" and then his hearty laugh followed.
Oh_My_My.
He also drives all the way from Pennsylvania to teach History at our little community college here in Virgina.
27 years of school
+
Double PHD (I didn't even know this was possible)
+
bad Jokes
+
Ethnic mocking
=
CRAZY YET ENTERTAINING
Answer to bad joke #1: Patty O'furniture (Ba-da-bump!)
I've calmed...
I'm no longer angry with the college girl I mentally screamed at the other night. I've calmed. I realize I came off a little snotty in that last post, that is not my true character, so I'm sorry......
However -- I still wish she would be quiet so I could learn.
Protons
School last night was fab! I had my first science class since 1996 and loved it. My little pea brain is officially full and leaking out info about protons, electron, and cells.
Fact: Protons, neutrons, and electrons are the 3 subatomic particles but only protons and neutrons make up the nucleus of the atom. Electrons just orbit around the nucleus.
Eat your heart out baby --
I only wanted to smack one person in my class and since I'm starting my period tomorrow that's not so bad.
Dumb Student: "Um so....the first Exam? It's the day after Labor Day."
Professor: "Yes"
Dumb Student: "I really don't think that's a good idea."
Professor: "well......ugh...it's not negotiable."
Dumb Student: "....but it's the day after a holiday! We can't study on a holiday weekend."
Professor: "then don't study and blow the exam. Moving on..."
She was sitting behind me too -- so I could have hit her -- and hard -- but I didn't. Instead I just cursed her in my head.
Look you stupid twat! I've waited 8 fucking years to get up the energy to bring my happy ass back to school just so I can go off in to the sunset with a career of my choice. Either keep your petty keg party concerns to your self or drop the class, go back to your IKEA decorated apartment, sit on your fuchia bean bag with matching lap shade, and drink a bottle of Strawberry Hill to the head! Shhhhhh! I'm trying to absorb some science!
It was Asked of me....
Jess asked me to do this. I love maping out my person like this.
7 Things I Plan on Doing Before I Die1. Graduating from College
2. Have a child
3. become a teacher
4. Bungee jump
5. Go to Fiji
6. Own a convertible
7. Retire
7 Things I Can Do1. Copy, Colate and staple.
2. roll my tongue
3. Drink an entire bottle of wine to myself
4. Stain Glass projects
5. Stick stuff together with a glue gun
6. Pass my classes
7. Ride/jump a horse
7 Things I Can't Do1. Have sex with a girl
2. Keep my clothes folded and hung up
3. Remember to turn my headlights off.
4. Imagine a life without children
5. Live without Eric
6. Cook
7. speak a foreigh language
7 Things That Attract Me to the Opposite Sex
1. Hands
2. Mystery
3. Dirty - sloppy dress
4. Practicality
5. A great sense of humor, not only about life, but about yourself
6. Loyalty
7. smell
7 Things I Say the Most
1. Rad.
2. Shit
3. Fuck
4. Know what I mean Jelly Bean?
5. Ready Freddy?
6. I love you
7. Eric!
7 Celebrity Crushes
1. Johnny Depp
2. McConaughey
3. Jay Hernandez
4. Will Hoge
5. Joshua Jackson
6. Mark Ruffalo
7. Bon Jovi
Leaking
I lied. I officially start school tonight instead of last night. Last night was a science lab which I did not have to attend since we'd had no lecture to lab about. Tonight is my Health Science Lecture from 7:30 to 10:30. My first class in almost 8 years. Eric showed me his undying support with a "go get'um" card and a new shirt for my first day of school. He's a keeper.
So last night I came home and heard "shtththshshsthththshsththshtsth". Yea, the pin-hole leak we found in our water pipes on Sunday that I didn't tell you about turned in to a
not-so-pin-hole leak overnight. Eric wasn't home and so I did what I do best.
I freaked out. I was all fuzzy headed and couldn't think of what to do for some reason. My first thought was, "Oh shit -- the new carpet!" and now I realize it should have been, "Oh shit -- where's the main water shut-off?" In any case -- I eventually pulled myself together and wrapped a towel around the leaking pipe, called a neighbor for guidance in shutting off the main water line, and soaked up the carpet as best I could with our entire towel collection. A much needed cigarette was inhaled deeply after that.
Last night and today we have no water. Eric and I went to his Moms late last night to bathe. This morning I brushed my teeth with bottled water and I'm without make-up today. I haven't washed my face so I saw no point in putting it on. (Washing my face with freezing cold bottled water was not an option!) Not such a pretty day for Jess I will admit but my hair is fucking clean.
Eric and his brother are going to replace the pipes in the manifold. (Fun word - "manifold") this afternoon, and while I'm at school. I wonder if my hair will be clean tomorrow?
It's Monday - Eck!
It's Monday.
- I woke up late because I was very groggy for some reason
- I was so tired when I put on my make up I put black mascara on my eyebrows (Do you know what a bitch to remove black mascara from your eye brows is?)
- I think I got decaf coffee in stead of regular
- I start school tonight
- I woke up too late to take a shower and my hair is greasy
- It took me 45 minutes to get to work when it normally takes me 20 to 25
- I still have no one to rent my condo and my current tenant is moving out on Sunday
So at some point 2 weeks ago my cheapo digi camera bit the dust. It just has no life. I've put in new batteries, kissed it, and still no luck-0-la. Eric and I have decided to go halvsies on a fancy schmancy camera. One with more pixels and better quality. I'm psyched -- but which one do you choose? We got a camera book from Ritz that has descriptions of every brand, size, capability of the digital cameras on the market today. I think I'm just going to leave it up to E to pick out what we're going to get. I just need to have something before my trip to San Francisco in October!
26 days until my birthday. Have you figured out what you're getting me for my birthday yet?
The Power of Love
I've got the Power of Love and a bad case of the Poopie Loopies. We saw Huey Lewis and The News tonight at Wolf Trap. It was a great concert but was a little damaged buy our rumbling tummies. I don't think Dave Famous Barbeque -- is all that
famous in my book anymore.....
Once Upon A Time.......
.....I lived in Colorado Springs. I was 17 and my
little sister was 15. As mentioned before in earlier blogs, I used to drive a 1979, Oldsmobile, Delta 88, to and fro. During a particularly challenging part of my
teen-hood my parents were less then happy with me - so conversations were dry and icy.
That being said: One night at 2 a.m. my angry mother comes storming in to my bedroom intent on disturbing my peaceful rest. She poked me and this conversation ensued:
Mom: "Jessica. Jess_i_ca! Go and get your car out of the yard!"
Jess: "My WHAT out of the Huh?!"
Mom: "YOUR CAR. OUT OF THE YARD. YOUR _ CAR _ IS _ IN _ THE _ YARD!"
Jess: "No it's not! I'm sleeping!"
Mom: "Yes it is -- I heard the
horn honk."
Irritated, I went outside and sure enough my car had rolled back in to the grassy knoll in the middle of the culdesac. Why was it there? I didn't know so I went back to bed.
Minutes later my Mother comes in to my room and says, all annoyed,
Mom: "
Never mind, it was your sister!"
Jess: "My what??"
Mom: "Your sister. She tried to steal the car -- but the horn honked and the steering wheel locked when she put it in neutral so it just rolled straight back in to the yard."
Jess: "Really?"
Mom: "I found her and *friend* hiding under the dash. Go back to bed."
Needless to say I was miffed. I guess because it was in the wee hours of the mourn no one noticed that this was completely out of character for my sister. Didn't it seem odd to anyone else that she backed the car out in neutral, honked the horn, hid under the dash, and still made decent grades? What the fuck? I don't think she even got grounded.
For some reason these stories from my childhood have been entertaining me on my way home from work. I completely forgot about this story until today. Maybe they're coming to me because Eric's family always sits around the table during family events and talks about funny kid stories. Maybe I'm jealous and want to compete. Maybe I just like laughing at my sister because she totally fucked up a good chance to sneak out the car. Who knows. Back to my wine....
Moi
I really didn't have anything exciting to write about today so I filled this thing out that
my sister "tagged" me with. I didn't think it was all that great at first but the questions are kind of neat. Brain teasers if you will....
10 years ago:I was moving to California with my family.
Getting ready to start my senior year of high school.
I was 17 and was rebelling
I drove a 1979 Olds Delta 88’ and loved it.
I dated the quarter back on the football team
I smoked menthols
5 years ago:I was dating & living with Mario
I was working at a Law Firm as a receptionist
I was getting ready to move in to a cute little house.
I was just friends with Eric
I was good friends with Eric’s X-girlfriend
1 year ago:I was single.
I was blogging.
Still living in my condo.
I was not speaking to Eric – BIG FIGHT
I was instant messaging with a Christian guy who I eventually dated
I had bad acne
Yesterday:I ate had two glasses of Chardonnay for lunch with my Mom.
Argued with Eric over the Mathematical Order of Operations
Got my toe caught in the door
Answered adds about renting my condo
Went to work
Tomorrow:I don’t have to work and I’m thrilled! Yea – Saturday!
I will probably make time to see Brodie
I will try to go to the pool
Enjoy my last weekend as a non-student
I will buy my books for class next week
I enjoy:Reading in bed.
Sushi
Spending time with Eric
Kissing Brodie
Hanging out with Holly and Deannie
5 bands/artists that I know the lyrics to most of their songs:Dixie Chicks
Will Hoge
Maroon 5
Tim McGraw
Sarah McGlaughlin (sp)
5 things I'd do with $100,000,000:Pay off my condo
Buy a convertible for myself
Buy a cabin in Colorado
Hire a life long designated driver
Buy a big house with a cleaning lady
5 locations I'd like to run away to:Fiji
The Beach
Holly’s
Home (I’m at work)
Anywhere with Eric
5 bad habits I have:Smoking
I have no clue where to put commas,
Picking/biting at my nails
Drinking
Not picking up after myself
5 things I like doing:Reading
Laying out at the pool
Eating pickled things
Kissing Brodie
SPA TREATMENTS!
5 things I will never wear (AGAIN):pegged pants
Stretch Pants
Panty hose with open toed shoes
Anything in Fluorescent Green
A perm
5 TV shows I like:Gilmore Girls
CSI
Law & Order
King of Queens
Boy Meets World
5 movies I like:Where the Heart Is
Grease
Bourne Identity
Bourn Supremacy
A Walk to Remember
5 people I'd like to meet:My Mom’s Mom
Johnny Depp
Julia Roberts
Liz’s boyfriend
Cory & Natalie
5 biggest joys at the moment:Eric
Eric’s family
Brodie
My book
Life
5 favorite toys:My blog
something I bought in Chicago
My books
My new glasses
Eric
Huey
Eric and I are going to see Huey Lewis and the News on Sunday!!! I can't wait. I believe we have great seats. Are you jealous?
For Rent
I'm renting out my condo again. I've got'er up on Craiglist.com for the fall season. I really feel blessed to have had such a good tenant over the summer. The Renter was a timely rent payer, a normal person, and she took good care of my cat. I wish she could stay for ever. I now know, as a landlord, how important it is to have great tenants! I feel like I should give her an award!
I've gotten a few offers already from people who are interested in renting my place. At least for now the cat still stays at the condo and so I want a cat lover as a tenant. Luckily, I've had pretty honest people reply to my add who definitely state when they're NOT a cat person. I know if I had someone in the condo that I thought might be a serial cat killer - I'd loose tons of sleep. So people that respond with "I'd love to take care of your cat!" are winners.
Wish me luck. I really need the money this summer from the next renter and I love my living situation right now.
Update: Overcome
Update:I have officially over come
this fear.
5 days in a hotel room with your loved one
+ a bad case of the poopy loopies brought on by the food at a Japanese Steak House
____________________________________________________________
= Forced recovery of poop anxiety
I'M BACK!!
I thought I posted my plans for my vacation before I left but I think with the sad news about Tom's death and then his funeral last Thursday I must have forgotten. I think I was just all hell bent to get the fuck out of town at that point and that included leaving my my blog behind too!
Tom's funeral on Thursday was THE SADDEST funeral I've ever been to - and that includes my grandmothers. I balled for 45 minutes to the point of struggling to catch my breath - and my tissue looked like it had been involved in some sort of shoot-out by the time I was done with it. My major emotions came from the fact that A) it was an open casket funeral for which I was not prepared B) there were pictures of Tom and I posted at the wake that I had not expected to see C) The speeches given by his best friend and sister were very moving and D) I couldn't stop thinking of his lonely self by the water minutes before he hung himself. Sad. Sad. Sad. After all was said and done I felt more at peace with the fact that Tom is gone and emotionally drained.
Eric and I just walked in the door from our fabulous vacation in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. We had a wonderful time and just posted pictures of the trip!
Missed ya'll!
Right after we landed in Myrtle Beach, SC (and rented our ubber cheapo car) we arrived at our
hotel, the Patricia Grand. This is the view from our one-room efficiency. Sweet!
(Sorry picture is missing for some reason....I'll repost tonight...)
We were looking for a lunch spot when we got in. We spotted the, "Gay Dolphin" but decided against it...
So Eric pigged out on a Steak & Cheese from, "Gilligans Bar & Grill" instead.
This is me living the lavish life of a vacationing fool! I was reading and drinking wine, as the noble folk do in Myrtle. After, of course, I went a'floatin down the ever-cheesy "lazy river " located in our hotel lobby....)
One of the attractions in Myrtle Beach was "Broadway On The Beach"; which, featured shops, games, THESE fish, and much, much more. The ginormous fish were SERIOUSLY bigger then my foot (Eric says even bigger then that!) and PIGGY EATERS. These baby ducks shown are actually WALKING ON THE FISH. There were SO MANY FISH that it looked like a small island from afar.
Wiggin (gross!).
Me Feeding the crazy Fish!!
This is Heather, Eric's sister, in her show,
tribute, in Myrtle Beach. She's NOT playing Bette Midler - but she IS the hot dancer to the left. We went and saw her perform on Saturday night. She's a back up singer/dancer for the show and it was the first time I'd seen her perform since community theater 7 years ago! SO FUN. I was teary eyed just watching her wearing those fun costumes! She's also performed on cruise ships and Atlantic City. She's hot and I love her.
Here is me at the show. Eric took this not-so-lovely close up of me......
(This picture is missing too for some reason. I'll repost tonight.)
Here is Heather going crazy in one of her costumes. I loved this one. She's the best dancer in the cast if you ask me ....
Eric and I went with his brother and family to the Myrtle Beach aquarium. This is me standing with our tour guide Stan. As you can see, Stan got a little fresh with me on the tour. As a result, Eric broke his nose and a few of his fingers. He was rushed to the hospital and treated for being "punked".
Just kidding -- he was a plastic head in a paper mache' suit.
This is Eric climbing out of the depths of the sea. Very dangerous. Don't do this on your beach trip.
Here is my brave man picking up the biggest horse shoe crab in the pool and showing it to his brother and nephews.
In an honest effort to fit in with the South Carolina crowd I bought myself this t-shirt. I still don't understand why Eric kept saying, "Stop walking next to me! You're so white trash! Stop walking next to me!"
Yes...we're this hot.
This is Gavin, Eric's best friend. We went to visit him during our stay in South Carolina. Gavin lives on the Beach near Charleston (2 hours outside of Myrtle Beach) and he was kind enough to not only vogue for these pictures -- but to also show us around town, buy us dinner, and give us some local history lessons! Ain't he cute!?
Here is the
Folly Beach light house that Gavin showed us. His community is trying to save it from major erosion. Let me tell ya -- the sand was so hot that day I almost died.
We noticed this magnifico spider on our walk to the Folly Beach Light House. Aparently it's a "
banana spider" and Gavin says that they are harmless and people actually "like them". Huh...
Eric and Gavin love each other.
This is a picture of Ft. Sumpter. One of the sites we gazed upon in Charlston, South Carolina. We were only there for a day but I'd have liked to spent more time learning my American History!
This is what the Southern "Old Money" crowd like to call a single family home. Holy cow is this not HUGE!? I made it perfectly clear to Eric that not only would I need a home like this when we marry -- but I'll FOR SURE need it to be PINK. Um....and the carriage way for my horse and Carriage is a must!
This is a true version of a southern band playing one of my favorite instruments - the wash board.
A romantic moment in the low country for Eric and I!
A little story from my past...
When I was 17 my parents found out that I was mixed up in a bad crowd. We had just moved to Colorado Springs and it was my first time attending a huge public high school. I don’t know about you but when I’m in that situation, and being a military brat t’was the case quite often, you tend to not be choosy when picking your first friends in a new place. Initially you want anyone. Anyone! Just someone who will at least sit with you in the enormous cafeteria during lunch. Feeling like a lonely dumb ass on the first day at a new school was just not fun.
When I went looking for a friend that first day of school - I reached out and found Melissa. Melissa was in my English class. Melissa had been emancipated from her parents, after a long stretch of physical and sexual abuse, at 15. Melissa was married to an Army guy who was stationed at Ft. Carson and they had their own apartment. My “cool alarm” went a WILD! Wild I tell you! All I could think about was how lucky she was to be A) married at 17 B) lived in her own apartment and C) legally separated from her parents all while being in high school! I’d wanted those things since the day I was born!
It didn’t take long for my size 6 sweet-ass to become popular with all of Melissa’s husband’s Army buds. Upon meeting the entire lot of them I had steadfast friendships, cigarettes, which I was not yet old enough to buy for myself, beer, which I was not yet old enough to buy for myself, and a boyfriend. A boyfriend who wore a military uniform and drove a convertible, no less! Again, my cool alarm was singing, “ALERT! ALERT! YOU ARE THE COOLEST EVER, JESS!”
Shortly there after I smoked my first joint. It turns out Melissa and the Ft. Carson chemical company were all a bunch of druggies. Yes…yes…there went that fucking alarm - screaming out about my coolness again. Smoking pot was against my parents rules. It was against my Lizzy's' wishes, and more important to me at the time - NOT something that an officers kid would do! … Oh but she did. And she loved it.
Come springtime, my parents had discovered my nasty little secret about boys and drugs. One night I lied and said I was going to a friends house, when instead I took my parents car (“stole” it) and drove to Ft. Carson. At some point my Mom got suspicious and called the friends house to check up on me. I wasn’t there and that is when the shit hit the fan. I was ordered by my parents to stay out of Ft. Carson forever and I was not to drive within five miles of that Army base or ELSE. On top of that I was grounded for what seemed like forever.
For a few months after that the Army guys treated me like I was a leper. The chance they took by having an underage girl in the dorms, combined with the drugs we were all trying to get away with, was just more then they were willing to risk. Melissa, my “good friend” and confidant was nowhere to be found. She quit school and eventually never wanted to speak to me again. Apparently, one of the chemical company guys was working with undercover police all along. He gave a dirty piss test and the military police agreed to minimize his sentence if he framed Melissa’s husband and brought down a few others. It didn’t take long before several of the guys, along with Melissa’s husband, were discharged and/or put in jail.
I wasn’t really interested in being grounded for the rest of my life anyway so I just stayed under the radar for a while. I was secretly thankful that I didn’t get caught up in any of that police action. So I played the good girl part. I went to and from my Dairy Queen job without question. I had no friends so I watched a lot of TV, walked the dog, and talked on the phone with Liz.
At some point, months later, a few of the remaining Army guys contacted me and it was discussed that if we all met up and partied in a hotel room
outside of Ft. Carson I wouldn’t technically be on Ft. Carson and therefore not really breaking any rules. So like an idiot I did it. The guys got some beers and met a girlfriend and I up in a hotel room.
Just a few beers were had at the hotel. It wasn’t anything out of a nasty after school special or anything. After a few of those beers someone dared me to call the local radio station and request a song. I think it was
I Believe, by Blessid Union of Souls. (You can stop laughing now..) Being the follower that I was
of course I called the radio station! Lucky me
of course I got through!
Of course I said ON THE AIR, “Hi!!! This is Jessica calling from a hotel room where I’m hanging out with all my buddies from Ft. Caron havING a few drinks! Can you play
I believe, by Blessid Union of Souls”?!
OF COURSE MY DAD was out with my sister at that moment. OF COURSE they were listening to the local pop station while he was letting her drive with her new drivers permit. OF COURSE it was the local pop station THAT I WAS ANNOUCING MYSELF ON! OF COURSE!
Can you say, “BUSTED”?
In Memory of Tom
After I wrote my post yesterday about my friend that took his life over the weekend -- I sort of felt like I'd been hit by a truck. I heard the news of
Tom's death on Saturday but somehow used my powerful skills of denial to push it away until yesterday. The longer I sat here at my desk the more bummed out I got.
It's tough when you're forced to realize that shit happens. People die. People take their own lives. People get killed and you don't get to see their face anymore. Not that I plan on dwelling on it forever, and I certainly don't walk around concerned that today could be THE DAY for me -- but circumstances like these always make me want to hug my Mom harder, put my seat belt on, thank my lucky stars for Prozac, kiss my boyfriend every morning before work, and smell the fucking roses a little more often.
That being said -- we were asked to jot down some memories of Tom that will be collected and put in to a memory book for his family. After a few nights of restless sleep I found that writing my little tid-bit brought me much closure. It's not my best writing but I think it still draws a pretty good picture of what he meant to me and how wonderful he was.
I had the pleasure of knowing Tom for only the last few years. We met at a party, introduced by a friend, and became close almost instantly. I felt like I'd known him forever after just a 10-minute conversation. Today, I feel very lucky to have known Tom -- even if for such a short period of time.
Over the last few days I've been thinking about Tom and all the great things I'll remember about him forever:
I loved the nights that Tom and Tatum would come over to my house to watch movies during the week. He even liked the chick flicks (or at least pretended too!). I will never forget the time he brought me ice cream after my foot surgery. Chunky Monkey works wonders for pain relief! Tom had mastered the art of spontaneity. For a "planner" like me, his way of just calling out of the blue to suggest some activity like, "Lets go get a massage!" always threw me for a loop, but I learned to look so forward to it. He had a powerful way of making me break out of shyness and do something that made me feel very silly - and actually enjoy it - his way of encouragement was magical. He had incredible listening skills - a quality that not every friend is blessed with. And how could I forget Tom's love for his dog, Tatum? In fact I don't remember too many hangouts when she wasn't with us. Tatum spent many nights sniffing around for my cat while Tom and I cooked dinner and talked.
He will be missed. I'm sad that his big blue eyes will be closed forever but I am truly comforted in knowing that he is with his mother now.
Jess
Good News or Bad News?
I'll start with the Good News.
Good News:
Congratulations to
Courtney and
Bri on their engagement. You guys are adorable and I'm sure you will live happily ever after! I can't wait to see your lovey dovey faces in October.
Sad News:
This weekend I learned that a good friend of mine passed away. After years of struggle with depression he sadly took his life. My heart goes out to his family and his dog Tatum. This has really been on my mind over the last few days and I thought I should probably jot it down here. I plan on attending the funeral and any memorial that will be given. I'm bummed.
Projectile Poop
(Not mine!)
Midweek I went to Holly's to see our baby, Brodie. He is, as I mentioned before, the love of my life and the cutest infant ON_PLANET_EARTH! So when I'm there I hold the baby and Holly gets to touch him ONLY during breast feeding time. Yes (!) that's like hours and hours of holding, changing, kissing baby - and I STILL leave with a lump in my throat. This week, however, I left laughing.
Brodie is a flatulent baby, to say the least. I'm proud because it means he's healthy and all his "systems" are working -- but that doesn't keep me from giggling when he lets out a baby-fart. (
Good lord I hope this kid never reads my blog.) So after his nap, and his boob, I took a moment to investigate the diaper situation. I
unswaddled him, lifted the edge of the diaper to reveal the contents, when a,
"brrrrrrp!" escapes. "Well you little devil." I said. "It's time to change you!" Off to the nursery we go. I undress him. I clean his tiny bum. I powder the hiney when I hear a,
"brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrp" that lasted...oh....10 seconds. I kid you not. Count em' ... one thousand...two one thousand...three one thousand..... you get the point. Shocked, I looked over at Holly and we began to giggle when suddenly, out of the corner of my eye, this powerful squirt of liquid yellow baby poop
flies through the air (about a foot and a half in the air, mind you) and lands warmly on my arm. Had I not been there -- it would have hit the wall. There was so much force behind this baby's poop that it looked like someone was standing across the room and squeezed a mustard bottle at me!!! I have NEVER EVER
NEVER, in all my twenty some years of babysitting, seen that happen.
PRO_JEC_TILE POOP PEOPLE!!!
If it can happen to me - it can happen to you! Think twice before walking in front of a new born's arse during changing time!
Afraid to poop?
I will just start this post by reminding the readers that I am not a public pooper. I know there is a strong-willed group of poopers out there who have no problem hunkering down on the pot at work with a newspaper or P&L report. I, however, am not one of ya'll. I am just barely a private pooper – so being a good public pooper is just out_of_the_question. I will admit, for the sake of my health, I am trying to over come my public pooping phobia. Slowly but surely I am coming to terms with the fact that, “when you gotta go - you've just
gotta go”. I admit I do
sometimes resort to chanting during those "gotta go" moments, saying, “Everyone does it. Everyone does it." to myself, in hopes of slowing my terrified heart from beating so loud that the person in the next stall could hear it. (I don't want the person in the next stall to hear ANYTHING if I've "gotta go", not even my heart.) Living with someone now I’m running in to this phobia even at home. I know…I know.....I’m ridiculous... but I will say that I’ve over come a lot of silly fears in my life time - and soon enough - I will over come this one as well.
Moving on……
I happened upon the most
ingenious pooping contract in a book I recently read. The book was,
Notes From The Underbelly by Risa Green, and the chapter talks about the main character and her husband's pooping policy. They both, in the beginning of their relationship, were to shy to poop while they were in the same house together so they drew up this contract. I bloody love it! I think this should be a real legal and binding document for us shy poopers to take advantage of whilst in a deep and meaningful relationship:
“WHEREAS Andrew Stone and Lara Levitt (hereafter collectively referred to as “the Couple”) hereby both acknowledge that they are equally uptight with regard to all things involving poop and pooping; and
WHEREAS the Couple desires to enter into this contract for the sole purpose of setting forth procedures in the event that a member of the Couple must take a poop (hereafter referred to as a “Poop Event”);
THEREFORE, the Couple hereby agree to the provisions set forth below:
(1) Immediately upon the request of the pooping party, the non pooping party must retreat to a location that is not within earshot of the bathroom in question (such location having been approved by the pooping party prior to the Poop Event); and
(2) The pooping party shall not be required to actually state to the nonpooping party that a Poop Event is about to occur. Simply instructing the nonpooping party to leave the immediate vicinity shall serve as notice that a Poop Event is imminent; and
(3) Once the Poop Event has concluded, the nonpooping party shall not enter the bathroom in which the Poop Event has occurred, unless and until the nonpooping party has been given clearance by the pooping party. Should the pooping party tell the nonpooping part that (s)he may enter the bathroom “never”, then the nonpooping party must forgo all rights to said bathroom until the earlier of:
(a) the following morning, or;
(b) the time at which clearance is given, pursuant to this section (3)
By signing below, the members of the Couple do hereby agree to be bound by all of the terms and conditions set forth herein, pursuant to the laws of the State of California.
Lara Levitt
Lara Levitt, Couple member
Andrew Stone
Andrew Stone, Couple member ”
Weekend Update
I don't really have anything funny or important to blog about today so I'll just put up my weekend pictures. I had a fun, short, busy weekend filled with beer, friends, babies, and Spaghettios.
This is a picture of Deannie and I on Friday night. We hit Bungalow Billiards for happy hour and then had an after party at her house. It was lots of fun and I had too much beer but ....I look happy don't I?
I'm half tempted to say that this next picture was taken at another point on Friday since I'm wearing the same clothes in both pictures, however, that would be a Blog-Lie, or
blie. In fact, this picture was actually taken about 24 hours later - on Saturday afternoon.
I went to Holly's house to snuggle with my baby mid day on Saturday. Before I left I asked Holly to snap a shot of me with the little angle-face. Not knowing, of course, that this photo was going to let the world know that I'm not only lazy but kinda dirty too. Yes (!)I got hammered on Friday night, and when I woke up, I put on my dirty - smoke filled clothes to go and visit my best friend and our newborn. I will tell you that it was out of pure anticipation for snuggling with the Bean that I didn't have time to shit, shower, shave, and put on clean clothes and you can believe what you want. I care not because the point is - how cute is that kid? But what is with my double chin? I think I got that at happy hour.......
